GRIGGITS 1985

This panel ran in the South Bay Easy Reader in 1985. That was a long time ago. The cartoon was a bit of a take off on Tina Turner's What's Love Got to Do With It music video.

TRAPPED IN FACULTY MEETING HELL

A few years ago, bored out of my skull, I transcribed a Friday afternoon faculty meeting.
Here here is the most exciting portion of an hour and fifteen minute meeting.

“That’s all I have. Is there anything else?” the boss asks.
Please nobody say anything, I think.


“I have a question about the dress code, Mr. Hammer,” one of the idiots pops off.


“Shoot,” Hammer replies.


Don’t shoot!!! I beg, using my best extra sensory communication.


“Boys aren’t allowed to wear ear rings at the junior high. Is that right?”


“Correct,” Hammer answers in no particular hurry.


“What about safety pins?”


“Safety pins in their ears?”


“That’s right.”


“Well, isn’t that a health issue. It’s not sanitary, is it?” another mindless nincompoop enters the fray.


“I’ve seen students take safety pins from their ears and throw them across the room,” someone else decides to throw in her two cents.


“Now we’re talking about a classroom management issue,” Hammer states very seriously.


“What about paperclips? Are we going to allow the boys to put paper clips in their ears?”


At this point I begin searching the room for the hidden camera. This has got to be some elaborate joke on me and they are all in on it.


Bla, bla, bla, bla.


Superfluous, superfluous, and more superfluous.


My god, how I hate meetings!

WZ SNYDER STICKS IT TO THE VIRUS, STEVE JOBS AND BILL GATES

Last week, a nefarious virus  infested my p.c., making it impossible to open various programs and slowing things down to a crawl. I was ready to purchace a new computer, possibly an Apple. I was considering the Apple switch because friend over at Microsoft said Bill Gates is a mean s.o.b.. Then a fellow blogger pointed out that Steve Jobs is also a mean s.o.b.. Since I didn't want to fork over my hard earned cash to either of those mean sons of bitches, I decided to take one last crack at the nefarious virus. Ladies and germs, I stood toe to toe with that rotten virus, slugging it out for five hours. Quite frankly, I'm not sure what I did. There was downloading, uploading and a heckuva a lot of deleting. And when the smoke cleared, the low down dirty virus had high tailed it out of town.

Final Score:
WZ Snyder 1
Mean Sons of Bitches and that Nefarious Virus 0

As for the cartoon, it has nothing to do with viruses or mean sons of bitches. It's an illustration from my never published children's book, How Larry the Griggit Learned to Fly.

PRESIDENTS DAY - snydeR coMics #27

                                    whEn piGs Fly

Thought I'd do a comic in honor of National Stick Day.

THE COMEDY GUYS AND STICKING IT TO BILL GATES

This picture was in the bottom of my sock drawer. I'm the goofy looking one. We called ourselves The Comedy Guys. I did stand-up comedy with these guys in the eighties. Now we don't care what the temperature is. That was a joke. I think it's pretty funny. The fact that I think this joke is funny is a primary example of why I am no longer performing stand-up comedy.

I'm making this a quick entry because my computer keeps crashing. It's being attacked by a virus. I hate viruses. I'm probably going to need to buy a new one. I'm thinking of buying a an Apple. I hear Apples almost never get viruses. Furthermore, a friend of mine works for Microsoft. He tells me the working conditions are deplorable and Bill Gates is mean s.o.b..

I hate viruses and I'm not exactly happy with Bill Gates.

If I buy an Apple, I can stick to the man. I can stick it to Bill Gates. Make no mistake, Bill Gates is the man. I like to stick it to the man. Yeah, this one's for my buddy and his colleagues at Microsoft!

But wait. What if I start a trend? What if eveyone buys Apples because they never get viruses and Bill Gates is a mean s.o.b.? Won't my buddy lose his job? What if Steve Jobs is mean s.o.b. too? Life is so complicated.

I'll have to do some ruminating on this one...

JUST A CITY BOY, BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTH DETROIT

 

It’s been a heck of week, a cold week, the coldest week I can recall in the twenty-two years I’ve lived in Phoenix. My ficus trees are dead – dammit. It was cold enough to hurt your face, if that makes any sense. The automatic sprinklers watered the baseball field outside my classroom each morning and you could have ice skated on the puddles all afternoon. I had this fantasy of secretly tossing a little water onto the concrete outside of my door and asking a couple of choice freshmen to leave the classroom. I’ve seen the trick in movies. It’s not the kind of thing that happens in an Arizona desert city.



A few of my students competed in an academic competition across town. I served as sponsor and chauffeur. Would you believe me if I told you those kids made fun of my family Chevy Astro van? Well, they did, all the way out and all the way back – both days. They made fun of the cracked windshield, my broken blinker and the dents on the sides. They made fun of my busted taillight. And they made fun of the fact that the front doors wouldn’t open, forcing the front passenger and me to crawl in from the back. It kind of got to me when they called my family van a “creeper van.”


“Hey!” I told them, “Did you ever consider that this is the kind of car you gotta drive when you have five kids and a teachers’ salary? Huh? Did you?”


“How come teachers always complain about their salaries?” one of them asked.


“All you got to do is look at this van,” another kid came to my rescue.


“I happen to like this van. It reminds me of the broken orb on George Bailey’s staircase in it’s a Wonderful Life,” I said.


“Who’s George Bailey?” two or three of them asked at once.


By the way, the radio does work. I demonstrated this for my kids by playing A Prairie Home Companion all the way home Saturday night. For some reason, teenagers don’t fully appreciate Garrison Keillor. Got to tell you, I appreciated their lack of appreciation for Mr. Keillor.
The team didn’t exactly break any records. We had a few kids drop out, leaving us quite shorthanded. The highlight came when my students demonstrated the ability to sing that Journey song with the line, “Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit…”


It was a good moment. I mean, nobody took home a trophy or a medal and they made fun of my van, but all of my kids knew all of the words to very cool song. It was a very cool moment. Yeah, cool enough to help me appreciate my profession, my wise cracking students, and my 2000 Chevy Astro van.

Snyder Comics #26 Happy flYing piG dAy!

When Pigs Fly #26

A HAWTHORNE COMMUNITY FAIR MEMORY

A Story from The Eight Fingered Criminal's Son
“Dave Cruz (1979)”

 by Willimam Snyder
 © 2006 William Snyder

The Eight Fingered Criminal's Son is available as an EBook on Amazon.com. The bound version will available in 2012.

BARAK OBAMA AND THE GRIGGITS

This panel ran in the South Bay Easy Reader back in 1984. I'm pretty sure I lifted the cute little aphorism.

For those of you who who are new to the blog, I developed the Griggits when I was in high school. There were teenage daydreams of Griggit tv shows and movies. By the time the Griggits had run their course, there had been t-shirts, cofee mugs, and a comic strip run in a popular Los Angeles newspaper.
Not bad.

As far as Mr. Obama goes, he had absolutely nothing to do with the Griggits.

JIM HARRISON, THE ENGLISH MAJOR, STEVE WAGNER, AND ARROGANT BASTARD ALE

Michigan born writer, Jim Harrison’s The English Major is a pretty good book. After losing a bad wife and a good dog, an old codger by the name of Cliff sets on a road trip/quest to rename all fifty states. Cliff is a high school teacher turned farmer.


Harrison is an outstanding writer. While he’s won all kinds of writing awards, his most famous story is probably Legends of the Fall. Harrison’s succinct and poignant style is reminiscent of Hemingway. It’s funny too. There seem to be a bucket load of allusions to Thoreau and Prairie Home Companion. Works for me. I happen to like Thoreau and Prairie Home Companion – and Hemmingway.


Although I was not English major, I was turned on to the book by an English major, an old pal by the name of Steve Wagner. Steve’s a cool cat, one of those guys who learned early in life to follow his bliss. After spending a few years playing guitar with a semi-successful rock and roll band, he picked up a job in a Portland brewery. A few years later, he and a partner founded the wildly successful Stone Brewing Company, most famous for Arrogant Bastard Ale. I’ve tried Arrogant Bastard and it’s a pretty good beer.


There you have it, a pretty good book and a pretty good beer. My job is done here now.

HARPER BELLA HERNANDEZ AND SOME LESSER EXAMPLES OF BIG MOJO

I have resolved to quit whining and complaining, to shift my focus towards the good mojo. It won’t be easy. Like they say, it ain’t easy to teach an old dog new tricks - and I am an old dog.



The first week of the new year was hectic and my mind is bit scattered, but I’d like to offer you some good mojo:


• Lindsey, my oldest daughter gave birth to Harper Bella Hernandez this week. Harper is named for Harper Lee. My twelve-year-old is named Scout, so Harper makes two Mockingbird girls in the family. She was four hours old when I made it to the hospital. The rest of the family had headed home and I had the honor of holding my grandbaby for forty-five uninterrupted minutes. Looking into the eyes of my four-hour-old granddaughter was nothing short of magic. Thanks to baby Harper, I can chalk up the first week of 2011 as a good mojo week. Let's call it a monster mojo week.


• My 2000 Chevy Astro van is on its last legs. My wife and I have resolved to drive until it breaks down again. Three of the four doors cannot be counted on to open. Today I had to crawl into the driver’s seat from the side sliding door. And I was good with this, feeling something like Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life when the wooden ball at the bottom of the staircase railing came off in his hand. He raised the orb to his mouth and kissed it because the Clarence the angel helped him to appreciate his blessings. Yeah, I felt just like Jimmy Stewart and Harper was my angel. How’s that for good mojo?


• Speaking of Jimmy Stewart, I think he said the keys to happiness are a comfortable bed and comfortable shoes. And I’m going to buy a new pair of shoes today. I’m not screwing around with his mojo thing.


• My daughters tried to teach me to dance The Jerk. I can’t say I learned The Jerk, but I did remember how to dance The Running Man. I’ve been dancing The Running Man a lot lately.


• I began teaching in 1986 when I was twenty-six. It’s kind of strange going to a job where nobody ages but me.


• Finally, there are some exciting new developments with my book, The Eight Fingered Criminal’s Son. I’ll fill you in as soon as the new plan is solidly in place.


• Thanks for reading and Happy New Year.

SNYDER COMICS #25

SOARING SWINE #25

THE FIGHTER - Gatti v Ward 1 Round 9

The Fighter is an outstanding film. Mark Walberg's portrayal of Micky Ward is the best thing he's done since he was a member of The Funky Bunch. And Christian Bale's portrayal of Ward's crack addicted brother is also pretty impressive. It's the best Bale performance I've seen. Come to think of it, it's the only Bale performance I've seen. Seriously, this flick is worth the ten bucks. And you don’t need to be a boxing fan to appreciate this movie
 I did a little YouTube surfing and found some of Ward’s old fights. The Sanchez fight in my last posting was reenacted in the film. The filmmakers didn't need to exaggerate the drama. The actual footage of Ward's fights with Arturo Gatti, who recently passed away, was more exciting than the bloody fights of the Rocky films. Check out this clip. Both of these men had hearts of lions.

Micky Ward vs Alfonso Sanchez Round 7

You can download THE EIGHT-FINGERED CRIMINAL'S SON at Amazon.com for a measly 5 bucks by clicking on this link:                                        

        http://www.amazon.com/The-Eight-Fingered-Criminals-Son-ebook/dp/B005NWH8L4

Round seven of the Ward Sanchez fight is dramatized in the new film, The Fighter. By round seven, everybody had counted Micky Ward out – except Micky Ward. This footage proves that boxing is a metaphor for life. Nobody gets to count us out. It’s really not over until we say it’s over. And I don’t know about you guys, but I think I have a vicious kidney shot or two left in my arsenal. I’m in the late rounds so I’m going to need to launch my best punch real soon.

JOHN WAYNE'S GHOST - Part 1

John Wayne’s Ghost
by William Z Snyder
© 2008 William Snyder

Chandler, Arizona - 2009

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