SO LONG, NEIGHBORHOOD GRID IRON STAR

Antonio Smith, former Arizona Cardinal and neighborhood celebrity has moved to Texas. The Dallas Texans offered him something like two million dollars a year to sign with them. The Cardinals were only paying him something like a million dollars a year. I ran some figures is my head and realized I’ve been working since 1976 and still haven’t made my first million. I can’t comprehend a million bucks a year, let alone two million bucks a year. Back to the subject at hand, Antonio Smith is a nice guy and I wish him the best.

ANTONIO SMITH

INDIANA SWORD FIGHT?

A deadly sword fight took place in Indianapolis last night. A 77 year old woman was killed trying to break up the duel between her 69 year-old brother-in-law and her 39 year-old grandson. Both men are in the hospital. They really shredded each other up. Details are sketchy.

All I want to know is who the hell fights duels – with swords? A life was lost and the whole thing is quite tragic; I get that. But a sword fight? Maybe the two idiots had seen too many Errol Flynn movies. I wonder if one of the idiots said the words , “I challenge you to a duel.” Maybe just one of the guys was a psychopathic idiot and he came after the other guy with the sword and the other guy picked up a sword to defend himself. Wait, who has swords lying around the house?

Is there anything to be learned from this madness?

Maybe.

First, never try to break up a sword fight. And second, never underestimate the stupidity, the recklessness, the sheer lunacy of your fellow man.

A sword fight?

A sword fight?

WRITING REPORT

I didn’t get any work on my book done this week. My teaching responsibilities kept me busy and I’ve been spending a lot of time on the blog.
I received the following rejection email today, the first in over a month.

Sorry, not for me.
Pahearn

Short, firm, and to the point. Could a rejected writer ask for anything else ?

STEVE MCQUEEN

The King of Cool was on Richard Nixon’s notorious “List of Enemies.” Ironically, Steve McQueen’s political beliefs were conservative.

More NBA Legends

#167 DAD AND DOLPH SHAYES

Meeting this man was a real honor. Dolph Shayes of the Syracuse Nationals, considered the first modern basketball forward, represented a bridge between eras. He continued to nail the set shot long after the jump shot had come into vogue. Shayes is one of just three men to average at least 12 rebounds a game for 11 consecutive seasons. The other two? Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Russell. Shayes was the first NBA Iron Man playing from 1952 to 1961 without missing a game The guy played an entire season with a cast on his arm for cryin’ out loud. His streak finally ended when he shattered a cheek bone. Tough guy, huh? Dolph is a twelve time all-star, a Hall of Famer and a member of the 50 Greatest Players of All Time.

Dolph Shayes in action

Here's Dolph Shayes coaching the Philidelphia 76ers. That's Wilt Chaimberlain just to the left of the bald guy.

Here's Dillon with Mark Eaton. You know, I think the guy on the left just might be Ernest Borgnine.

Despite being 7 feet, 4 inches tall, Eaton did not play high school basketball. Upon graduating he became an auto mechanic. Three years later an assistant basketball coach convinced him to play for the Cerritos college basketball team. Eaton would go on to play 11 seasons with Utah Jazz. He was arguably the greatest shot blocker in NBA history.

Here’s a shot of Dylan with NBA great David "The Machine" Smith. The Machine played five glorious years with the Los Angeles Clippers, averaging 25 points and 10 assists per game. And then he just walked away from the game, the notoriety, and the money. He said he wanted pursue other endeavors. Smith proceeded to write a bestselling novel, a critically acclaimed book of poetry and a Tony Award winning Broadway play. Still unsatisfied, he enrolled in medical school. Today he practices medicine, pro bono, at small clinic in El Salvador. Talk about a renaissance man! OK, I have no idea who the guy in the suit is, but I’m relatively sure he’s a former NBA basketball player.

Here's Dylan with 7'7 George Muresan. He played with the Washington Bullets and costarred in a film called My Giant with Billy Crystal. I'm talking about Muresan, not my nephew.

The NBA Legends Brunch

JAYDEN WHITE

This is Jayden White. She is my niece. Unlike her brothers, she has a conscience. She eventually gave in to the tidal wave of haranguing #167 Dad readers and drove to my house where she personally loaded the prized shots onto my computer. Thanks to Jayden, my readers in Germany, Sweden, India, Pakistan, Hong Kong and yes, even Canada, can finally see those NBA Legends Brunch shots I’ve been raving about! I thank you, Jayden and so does that freezing schmuck up in Canada.

STEVE MCUEEN

Here is a shot of Steve McQueen. I'm pretty sure he was not at the NBA Legends Brunch...

KEVIN JOHNSON

Here's a clip of my nephew, Dylan with Kevin Johnson. KJ is one of the greatest Phoenix Suns of all time. He is, however, a terrible driver. I know this because I watched him come very close to running my nephew down in the street not long before this picture was taken. Kevin Johnson is the mayor of Sacramento.

BOB LOVE

Here’s a shot of Bob Love, Dylan and yours truly. Love played for the Cincinnati Royals, the Milwaukee Bucks and the, Chicago Bulls. A lifelong stutterer, his handicap didn’t affect his basketball skills; his jersey has been retired by the Bulls. He hit hard times soon after his basketball career ended in 1979. Broke and washing dishes for minimum wage, he attended speech therapy classes. In 1993 he returned to the Chicago Bulls as director of community relations. Today, Bob Love is a highly sought after motivational speaker.

A SHOT BY W.Z SNYDER

I took this shot. Notice the perfect symmetry. It's almost scary. That's my nephew, Dylan, my brother-in-law, Brett, and my other nephey, Brady. Brady is the guy who had his skull pierced by a falling arrow.

To be continued...

STEVE MCQUEEN

STEVE MCQUEEN FACT OF THE DAY

Steve McQueen served as a pallbearer at Bruce Lee’s funeral.

Steve McQueen, Another Load of Nothin' and My Mother-in-Law

STEVE MCQUEEN FACT OF THE DAY

Steve McQueen’s first lead role was in The Blob, a 1958 horror film.

ANOTHER LOAD OF NOTHIN'

It looks like that poor freezing Canuck will just have to wait for the riveting story and pictures from the NBA Legends brunch. I’m still waiting for one of the White kids to email me the digital photos.

Thank you, Jayden.
Thank you, Brady.
Thank you, Dylan.

But I’m not bitter.

WHY I LOVE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW

As a kid, I can remember dreading the concept of marriage. I owe this fear to the old Bewitched television show. Darren Stevens was married to a hot blonde witch. The down side of the situation was his mother-in-law, Endora. She was a witch too and she hated him. The old bag was constantly changing the guy into things like donkeys, blenders and kitchen tables - the poor slob. Things worked out much better for me in the mother-in-law department. My mother-in-law is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met – and she likes my writing. My wife won’t even read my writing. I guess she’s afraid it’s going to be really awful and she doesn’t want to deal with the ugly truth that I’ve been wasting my time cranking out hundreds of pages of idiotic gibberish when I could have been out there making MONEY. I’m off course again, now aren’t I? This is about my mother-in-law, the anti Endora. The last time I saw her she told me she laughed five times, out loud at my blog postings. Perhaps she’s just trying to make me feel good. If that’s the case it worked. She made me feel great. Beats the hell out of being turned into a kitchen table, doesn’t it?

A Whole Lot of Nothing

To my highly valued readership, I can only extend my sincerest apologies. Today I can offer you absolutely nothing and I’ll tell you why.

About two months ago, I was lucky enough to attend the 10th Annual NBA Legends Brunch with my brother-in-Law and two of my nephews. It was a once in a life time experience. While I had some technical problems with my daughter’s digital camera, my nephews snapped myriads of incredible pictures depicting yours truly hobnobbing with some of the greatest names in the history of basketball. My nephews said they would be happy to shoot me the digital photos via email.

That was two months ago. Yesterday, I talked to my niece about the situation. She assured me she would email the photos as soon as she got home. I rushed home and banged out an eloquent, thought-provoking posting to go with the mind blowing photographs. This morning I raced to check my email. Would you like to know what I found? I found a big fat donut, a whole lot of the nothing. Surely, you can empathize with the disappointment, the devastation, the loss of innocence.

I am compelled to call out my niece and two nephews. Their names are Dylan White, Brady White and Jayden White.

If you are an Arizona reader and an associate of one of the White kids, please tell them I’m not angry or bitter, just disappointed, maybe a little hurt. Tell them it’s not about Uncle Bill. Tell them I’ve got readers in Germany, Sweden, Thailand, and India. I’ve even got readers in Canada for crying out loud. You don’t need to check your eyes - I said I’ve got readers in Canada. You tell those White kids I hope they sleep well tonight. You tell them not to worry about some poor Canadian schlep sitting up there freezing his tail off, twiddling his hockey stick, hoping for something substantive to read. It ain’t goanna happen today, my Canadian cousin, not on this site. So if you see Brady, Dylan or Jayden White basking in the warm Arizona Spring sunshine, you tell them I said thanks, thanks for a whole lot of NOTHING.

On Dangerous Projectiles

I spent the afternoon officiating the discus throw at a high school track meet. It’s a good side gig. The athletes call me sir and the coaches always make it a point to say thank you for helping out. I even got a t-shirt and a barbeque sandwich out of the deal. The only thing I don’t like about judging this particular event is getting hit in the head with the discus. Don’t worry; it’s nothing a little ice, a couple of aspirin and a cold beer won’t cure.

Speaking of getting hit in the head with dangerous projectiles, my nephew was once shot in the head by an arrow. It was Christmas morning. My nephew was screwing around with a bunch of kids and one of them had a bow and arrow. They were seeing how high they could shoot the arrows. One of those arrows fell from the sky and embedded itself in the top of my nephew’s skull. Although the whole thing was a horrific bloody mess, the kid wasn’t seriously injured. They say the top of the skull is remarkably thick. I wasn’t on the scene that Christmas morning, but I picture my nephew with the arrow sticking out from the top of his head just about every time I see him.

What’s the point? If you’re going to judge the discus throw or stand around while people are shooting arrows into the sky, you should probably pay attention. About that ice, aspirin and cold beer…

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk..

I feel compelled to follow up on yesterday's posting. Today is April 2 while of course, yesterday was April 1. And I guess this is the part where I say April Fools.
Yuk, yuk, yuk...

BIG NEWS!

I've got big news - life shaking news. I just received a substatial offer for an advance on my novel, The Spirit Guide Bar from a major publishing company. I may or may not hold out for six figures. Things are pretty crazy at the Snyder household tonight.

More to come tomorrow.

On Twittering

Who twitters? I thought teenagers twittered. My students appear to have every pocket sized piece of technology known to man and they’re engaged in fiddling with one electronic gizmo or another the majority of their waking hours – and some of their sleeping hours, but they don’t twitter, at least they’re not twittering in my neck of the woods. The subject came up in a classroom discussion and I actually had to explain the concept. This may be a first, me explaining a technology related concept to my students. I’m curious, which demographic groups are twittering; furthermore, how come kids don’t twitter?

I’ve got one last question. Would Steve McQueen twitter?

4:30 A.M.

ON WAKING UP AT 4:30

What’s it like to wake up a 4:30 in the morning? It sucks like a Chinese Algae Eater; that’s what it feels like to wake up at 4:30 in the morning! The alarm goes off and I immediately sit up. I do this out of necessity, knowing darned good and well I’ll fall back to sleep if I don't. Convincing myself to stand up at 4:30 in the morning is the hardest thing I do each day. I guess the bright side of this situation is the hardest task of the day is over with before I’ve had my first sip of coffee. Last year I told the principal I’d rather cut off my toes than teach zero hour again. Looking back, that was a creepy thing to say. Who says they’d rather cut off their toes? In Terms of Endearment, Jack Nicholson said, “I’d rather stick pins in my eye balls”. Where am I going with this? I don’t know. Jack Nicholson is a quite an actor. Of course he’s no Steve McQueen, but he’s a good actor. I wonder if McQueen or Nicholson ever had to get up at 4:30.

WRITING REPORT

The agent search is on hold. 300 query emails is enough.

For now, the focus is on the new book. The two week writing push resulted in 114 pages, most of which is exposition. At this point I’m working out several plot lines. This new book is far and away more intricate than anything I’ve attempted to write. I’ve been thinking of changing the working title from The Really Weird Science Guys to Time Specter. Since returning to the classroom, I’ve been putting about an hour a day into the book. I’ll be ecstatic if I can keep up this pace.

It might not be a bad idea to start approaching some magazines with one of my stories from The Eight Fingered Criminal’s Son. I’m also posting a story on the blog every six weeks.

SAY WHAT?

Quick, who is the least funny actor in world?

The answer is, of course, Sean Penn. Some might say Penn was funny as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgmont High. That was, what, thirty ago. I suppose Charles Manson might have been a cute baby thirty years became he became a world class psychopathic killer. Maybe the analogy is a tad bit extreme; the point is Sean Penn appears to have no sense of humor. Where am I going with this? I’ll cut to the quick. Sean Penn is going to portray Larry Fine in the upcoming Three Stooges Movie. Benecio Del Toro will be playing the part of Moe Howard and Jimmy Carrey is in the process of gaining forty pounds in order to play Curley. I’m too shocked over the inclusion of Sean Penn to question the selection of Del Toro. We can all, I think, accept Jim Carry as Curly.

The Farley Brothers are behind this production. Who knows? Perhaps these people know what they are doing. I guess Penn does look and sound a bit like Larry, but I can’t see this thing working out. By the way, this is not a biography of the Three Stooges, it’s a comedy feature film. The Farley’s do have a bit more success in the film business than me, so I’ll have to withhold judgment.

No! No, I don’t. Who in their right mind would hire the unfunniest actor, maybe the unfunniest man on the planet to play the role of one of the funniest men in history? Come on Farley Brothers, producing the Three Stooges movie carries with it monumental comedic responsibility! The world could use a Three Stooges revival, and you guys are giving us Sean Penn???

The King of Cool

Like untold millions of movie fans across the globe, I appreciate the work of Steve McQueen. But my connection with the king of cool runs deeper than that of your average Joe matinee fan. This isn’t something I go around telling people; I guess I’m not much of a namedropper. Maybe I’m feeling a bit whimsical today. Back in ’84, I was a delivery man for Sparkletts Water. Believe it or not, I delivered bottled water to Steve McQueen’s son, Chad. I’m not kidding. I’ll never forget what Steve McQueen’s son said to me that day. He looked me square in the eye and said, “How’s it goin’, man.” And I looked right back at him and said, get this, “Pretty good.” It was profound. Please don’t let your knowledge of this relationship change the way you consider me or my blog. I still put my pants on one leg at a time.

Emily Dickinson, Gilligan's Island and Steve McQueen

Emily Dickinson’s Much Madness is divinest Sense can, without much effort, can be sung to the tune of Gilligan’s Island. Really. I know this stuff. I'm an eleventh grade English teacher. Give it a try. Oh, as far as I know, Steve McQueen has absolutely nothing to do with Emily Dickinson or her poem.

Much Madness is divinest Sense

by Emily Dickinson

Much Madness is divinest Sense -
To a discerning Eye -
Much Sense - the starkest Madness -
'Tis the Majority
In this, as All, prevail -
Assent - and you are sane -
Demur - you're straightway dangerous -
And handled with a Chain -

Twilight, Mujournlumns, and Steve McQueen

The Twilight Phenomenon

What is the deal with Twilight? I just kicked my kids out of the house. Three of my daughters and two of the neighborhood girls, aged five to ten, sat in my living room watching Twilight six times in a row. I told them it was time to do something productive, to go play in the street.

I watched Twilight, even read the book, just to see what the hubbub was all about. It was a good book. I thought the movie was better.

The girls and I picked up the Twilight CD at Target yesterday. The girl at the register said they had to restock the shelves four times in six hours, that she’d never seen a movie move like this one.

When I asked my daughters if they thought it was a little creepy for a hundred year old vampire to date a sixteen year-old girl, they looked at me like I was out of my mind. What do I know? I don’t get it, but I’m thinking the next story I write should have something to do with teenaged vampires.

Why Blog?
The question continues to cross my mind. Why am I blogging? First of all, I tell myself, at least I’m not twittering?

I’m thinking of going to the kitchen to get some pretzels.
I’m eating pretzels.
A glass of milk might go well with the pretzels.

Why am I blogging? It’s a legitimate question.Is it worthy use of my time? After giving it some thought, I came up with three good reasons to blog:

1. Audience Development. I have received almost 1,500 hits in a little less than three months. I’m not exactly Stephen King, but I do have an audience.

2. Networking. I am communicating with other writers; writers like Bluesfrau in Germany, Bulshee in India, Guely in Sweeden, Bryan Frank, Curtis Kessinger, and Keith Boyd in L.A. , Rick Rivers in Northern California, David C. in Indiana, Wenbren in New Mexico, and James West a couple of miles down the road here in Arizona.

3. Mujournlumns . I’m still not sure how to define my blog. A collection of musings? A journal? A column? Maybe it’s a mujournlum. Whatever my blog is, it compels me to write. I’m a writer in the process of becoming a better writer and this blog of mujourlumns seems to facilitate that process.

Steve McQueen

Once again, today's blog has absolutely nothing to do with Steve McQeen.

Writing Report

Today marks the end of my spring writing push. It was a successful two weeks. My third book, The Really Weird Science Guys is off to a solid start at 22,489 words and114 pages.