Sunday, November 7, 2010

WILLIAM Z. SNYDER STICKS IT TO THE MAN - Part 1

For too many years I’ve been supporting the sociopathic corporations of the world by bringing my haircut business to the Supercuts conveniently located less than a mile from my home.

Not anymore, brother.



I’m sticking it to the man, baby.

It all started when I drove down to the local Supercuts for a quick buzz job last Sunday afternoon. Stepping through the door I was not greeted by a swooshy thirty-something hair stylist hairstylist with a whole lot of eye makeup and a half-dozen pieces of metal sticking out of his face. Three hairstylists were snipping away on their customers. Mister second rate Marilyn Manson finished sweeping up a pile of hair before casually strutting up to the counter.

“Can I help you?” he said, avoiding any semblance of eye contact and making it clear that helping me was the last thing he wanted to do.


“Can I get a tuna fish sandwich?”


This is my stock line for the ever changing array Supercuts employees who consistently ask me that ridiculous question.


“Right. We’re closed. We close at three, I’m sorry.


“Right,” I said turning and heading back to the car.


I really didn’t want that guy cutting my hair anyway. Inside the car, I turned the ignition key and the clock read 2:58. That’s when it hit me. It was time to find a new joint to cut my hair. Over the thirteen years I’d been frequenting the corner Supercuts, I’d received a few bad haircuts and a lot of mediocre haircuts, but they had only cut my hair the way I wanted twice. I usually shrugged and reminded myself that the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut is about two weeks.

2:58.

I was tired of being pushed around by soulless corporations. Soulless corporations wear different faces too. On this particular day they wore the face of a thirty five year-old weirdo with eye makeup and a whole mess of metal stuck too his face who didn’t even bother to give up a courtesy laugh for my tuna fish sandwich line.

To be continued…

20 comments:

Clif said...

The suspense is killing me...

#167 Dad said...

Clif,
You are a funny guy...

Bruce Coltin said...

My barber is a fat straight guy with a three-haircut style repertoire. I can fall asleep in the chair without being afraid of what I will look like when I wake up. Not bad, hah?

Wendy aka Quillfeather said...

Ooh, we have a cliffhanger on our hands!

Can't wait for the next installment.

Great post as always.

JJ said...

Barbers are Communists. Did anyone ever see what they do with your hair once they take it from you? They re-distribute it to faux fur factories.

ISRAEL CARRASCO said...

That was funny. Go underground man, you get better service. Next time they ask you do you want a haircut? Tell them I want them all cut.

Susan R. Mills said...

Can't wait to hear the rest! I've taken my sons to Great Clips (same type of place as Supercuts). They got horrible haircuts. Never again. Never again.

beFrank said...

What's a haircut?

anders oglethorpe said...

Personally I prefer an actual barber shop to the "stylist/salon" type joint. There WAS a good one close to home--warm shaving cream and the barber using a straight razor to clean off the short hair on the back of your neck, decent cut, hair tonic (if wanted) and only $10. He retired and sold out to a nice Vietnamese lady who ditched the shaving cream & straight razor, unfortunately, but still not bad. She even throws in a tootsie pop for Jack. Not so bad!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Too funny. My boys have funny stories after visiting Supercuts. Maybe they need a change, too.

italgalmm said...

My sister in law does my hair now..
But I'm not gonna lie to ya..
Leaving all those chairs with the cute Lions .. Zebra's ... and Elephants was no easy task.

I'm alot better about it now.. It's been a long hard withdrawl process.

#167 Dad said...

Susan,
I'm with you. Never again.
Thanks for reading.

#167 Dad said...

BeFrank,
"What's a haircut?"
Truly an essential question in every man's life...

#167 Dad said...

Clif,
You can relax now, Part 2 is posted...

#167 Dad said...

Bruce,
I found a new barber. I'm just taking a heckuva a long time to get to that part of the story...
Thanks for stopping by.

#167 Dad said...

Wendy,
You're back!
Your front!
Your side!

#167 Dad said...

Ogelthorpe,
I think you've got the right idea...
10 bucks? not bad.

#167 Dad said...

MLJH,
Keep your kids away from Supercuts.
And thanks for stopping by...

Guely of Sweden said...

When i was a teen i was in a catholic school. In those days it was very apreciated for your teachers if you had a "German Cut"(!!!) like veeeery short everywhere and just a bit longer over your forehead (don't ask me where it comes from, my daughter is jewish!!).
Anyway, if we had like 3 months long hair the priests would send us to the barber and gave us 10 minutes to come back. Then we would ask to the barber for something like "one dollar hair" or "two dollars hair" and that was supose to be like cut me just a bit and fast or a bit more and faster. And those were the lucky days. If the priest was having "a bad hair day" he would take the scissors himself but veeeery fast and for free (after that you went to the barber anyway to fix it). It was the late seventies and you were not supose to look like a hippie!! Oh the good old days (I hope they never comeback)

#167 Dad said...

G-Man,
I did a few years in Catholic school myself. I know of what you speak and feel your pain.