Friday, February 25, 2011


A few years ago, bored out of my skull, I transcribed a Friday afternoon faculty meeting.
Here here is the most exciting portion of an hour and fifteen minute meeting.

“That’s all I have. Is there anything else?” the boss asks.
Please nobody say anything, I think.

“I have a question about the dress code, Mr. Hammer,” one of the idiots pops off.

“Shoot,” Hammer replies.

Don’t shoot!!! I beg, using my best extra sensory communication.

“Boys aren’t allowed to wear ear rings at the junior high. Is that right?”

“Correct,” Hammer answers in no particular hurry.

“What about safety pins?”

“Safety pins in their ears?”

“That’s right.”

“Well, isn’t that a health issue. It’s not sanitary, is it?” another mindless nincompoop enters the fray.

“I’ve seen students take safety pins from their ears and throw them across the room,” someone else decides to throw in her two cents.

“Now we’re talking about a classroom management issue,” Hammer states very seriously.

“What about paperclips? Are we going to allow the boys to put paper clips in their ears?”

At this point I begin searching the room for the hidden camera. This has got to be some elaborate joke on me and they are all in on it.

Bla, bla, bla, bla.

Superfluous, superfluous, and more superfluous.

My god, how I hate meetings!