Thursday, January 1, 2009


Thanks for taking the time to read my first post of 2009. Bear with me as I continue to search for my blog voice…

I just fished the third draft of The Spirit Guide Bar. Nice goin’, me. For my next trick, I'm going to pull an agent out of my hat. Just watch.

Here’s a relatively painless rejection email I received this morning.

Many thanks for sending us this proposal, which I read with interest. I considered it carefully but I’m afraid on balance it just doesn’t quite grab my imagination in the way that it must for me to offer to represent you. So I must follow my instinct and pass on this occasion. I’m sorry to be so disappointing, but thanks for thinking of us. Of course this is a totally subjective judgment, so do try other agents and I wish you every success.

These guys are good. I don’t even feel bad.

It’s been a good a holiday break – exactly what I was looking for. There’s been time with my wife, kids and extended family - and time to write. There’ve been the Christmas movies andChristmas music, the beef logs, artichoke dip, enchiladas, and eggnog - lots of eggnog; every year I buy too much eggnog. And then there’s the Christmas tree. It’s been a good Christmas tree. The comfortable aroma of pine is still strong. Honestly, I hate to see it come down. With my nephews, it’s another story. Their pupils explode with excitement every time another tree is tossed out to the curb. They’re probably waiting outside the front door right now, ready to pounce. They discovered that a Christmas tree tossed into an average bonfire explodes into a regular Disneyland for pyromaniacs. Dried out Christmas tree number sixty-three went up in flames last night.

Enough with the exploding Christmas trees, can we talk about Charles Barkley? Just in case your life is so balanced that you know nothing about sports or pop culture, Chares Barkley was a very good professional basketball player who is now a very charismatic basketball announcer. He’s got a lot of money and power. Come to think of it, he’s been talking about running for governor of Alabama. For as long as I can remember, the guy has said and done exactly what he felt like saying and doing. He’s been something of a permanent fixture on the Scottsdale nightclub circuit, drinking, chasing skirts and engaging in the occasional barroom brawl. A few years ago he threw some poor schmuck through a plate glass window – just like in the movies.

Tuesday night the Scottsdale police nailed Mr. Barkley for driving under the influence. Apparently, he had been partying it up with forty or so celebrities and Scottsdale socialites. Among his associates was former network television star, Jaleel White. That’s right, Steve Urkel. All I can say about that is, WHAT THE…? Phoenix’s publicity hungry Sheriff Joe is undoubtedly chomping at the bit. The question is will Sir Charles’s fat wallet say him from an issue of pink skivvies and a few days in Phoenix Tent City?

Every time I hear of a celebrity getting nailed for drunk driving I just shake my head. Aren’t these people filthy stinking rich? Barkley is notorious for routinely dropping thousands a night in the Scottsdale clubs. Charles, why not hire some poor dope to drive you around? I’m extending a public offer to club-hopping filthy stinking rich celebrities in Arizona. I am willing to drive you and your entourage around all night in my regal 1999 Chevy Astro van for the equitable sum of two hundred bucks. This is a legitimate offer. If any of you out there in my loyal army of eleven readers knows a hard drinking celebrity, please send them my way.

My daughters are looming over my shoulder, attaching clip-on earrings to my ears and putting bows in my hair, waiting for me to get off of the computer so they can log onto Webkins. They’re making it hard to concentrate on my writing, but I’m glad they’re with me.

I’m going to play with my kids now.

Happy New Year.