Saturday, July 27, 2013
I'm still anxiously waiting to start my post teaching bug man career. The bug wars begin August 5th and I've been plugging away at the insect manuals every day. Here's a neat little factoid: scientists believe ancient scorpions were eight feet long. I know. I really need to start back to work. August 5th seems like a long way off, especially to my wife and kids. I've been peppering them all with bug trivia for weeks now. They tell me I'm driving them nuts. They're such kidders.
I've settled into a productive writing routine. Most of the stories for TEECHUR: CONFESSIONS OF A RELUCTANT EDUCATOR are finished. Test readers have told me that my teacher stories might be a little dark. That has something to do with the fact that the state of education in America is a lot dark. Still, I don't want to drive my readers to utter despair. I've been trying to come up with glass is half full stories. Last week I was able to write 1,500 to 2,000 words a day. The hardest part has been the concept of writing optimistically about my most recent position, especially the last year. The last year was in many ways the most difficult of my 25 year career. It looks like my thoughts about my recent teaching experiences are going to need some time to simmer.
I'm considering releasing TEECHUR in four parts, as affordable Ebooks and then the releasing a complete bound version. I understand Indy writers are finding some success at this kind of thing.
If you're new to this site, I've published two books. The first is THE EIGHT-FINGERED CRIMINAL'S SON, a mostly true collection of stories about growing up in 1970s Southern California. The second is THE SPIRIT GUIDE BAR, a mostly true account of a bona fide transcendental journey.
The best place to buy these books is at THE BOOK FROG in Rolling Hills, California. If you live 500 miles from Rolling Hills you can by the Ebooks or bound versions at the link below.
Posted by #167 Dad at 8:42 AM
Monday, July 22, 2013
A local bug control outfit has agreed to bring me on board to do battle with cockroaches, fire ants, bees, and scorpions. The boss even said he will let me wear the bee suit. I always wanted to wear a bee suit.
MUSINGS OF A BUG MAN WRITER. Sounds like a book to me.
I've been reading up on bugs and I've been picking up some interesting tidbits.
Bees and domesticated dogs kill more American's than all others combined. Bees killed 55 while Fidos and Rovers killed 33. And you are most likely to be bitten by a black widow while sitting in an outhouse. Fascinating, huh?
My kids headed off for their first day of school today. This is the first first day of school that I did not stand in front of a classroom filled with teenagers in a very long time. This is a good thing.
My bug man gig doesn't start for a couple of weeks. In the mean time I will work on my new book, TEECHUR: CONFESSIONS OF A RELUCTANT EDUCATOR.
THE SPIRIT GUIDE BAR and THE EIGHT-FINGERED CRIMINAL'S SON are available at THE BOOK FROG in Rolling Hills, California.
You can order eBooks or bound versions by clicking on this link
Posted by #167 Dad at 4:37 PM
Monday, July 8, 2013
I've been a former teacher for five weeks now. Hopefully, I will begin my new career as a bug man/writer within the next week or so. Last week I applied for a job writing humorous educational study guides. I was asked to write a cover letter that would cause the reader to LMAO in the first paragraph. If the reader did not "LMAO by the end of the first paragraph, I was assured the cover letter and resume would be shredded.
Here is what I sent them.
When I was twelve I accidentally threw a dart into the side of the head of a kid by the name of Cary Blazjowski. He ran home with the dart wagging up and down from the side of his head and I followed, hoping to convince him not to tell on me. He told. His sister, Astrid Blazjowski, gave me the beating of my life with a yellow Con-air hair dryer while Cary watched, the dart still hanging there on the side of his head. But it wasn't as bad as you might think. Astrid Blazejowski was sixteen, and she was hot, and she was wearing a purple bikini. Astrid might have killed me if Richard Milhouse Nixon hadn't been on hand to pull her off of me and administer some basic medical attention. Okay, the President Nixon part didn't happen, I was just trying to make this whole thing sound a little more academic.
I spent twenty-five years as a teacher. That makes me – old. Sure I'm old, but I know stuff, man. I know that many Emily Dickinson poems can be sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island. And I know the opposite of Thoreau is Ca-atch. I know that John Hansen, not George Washington, was the first president of the United States – under the Articles of Confederation. A lot of history teachers are aware of John Hanson and the Articles of Confederation, but very few of them know that the Hanson Brothers of MMMBop fame are direct descendants of the first president. Okay, no they aren't, but it would it would be pretty funny if they were. I relate to the youth of America because I was be the best rapper in my old neighborhood. It's true. The parents in my hood always asked me to wrap their Christmas gifts because I could do tight bows and I used the sickest wrapping paper. Man, I could wrap.
Finally, I spent a few years researching, writing, creating and hosting humorous educational television programming. As a matter of fact, I once did a live broadcast as Abraham Lincoln and I wasn't wearing any pants. If your still reading, I assume you no longer have an ass and look forward to discussing my quirky qualifications and can be reached at email@example.com or 480-867-5309.
I must assume that the folks at the educational study guide company do indeed still have their asses as I have not heard back. I guess you can't make 'em all LMAO.
You can order copies of my books "THE EIGHT-FINGERED CRIMINAL'S SON" and "THE SPIRIT GUIDE BAR" by clicking on the link below.
Thanks to my former student Mike I. for the kind words about "THE SPIRIT GUIDE BAR." You made my day, Mike!
Finally, the four major cockroach species found in North America are the German cockroach, the Oriental cockroach, the American cockroach, and the brown-banded cockroach - also known as the person at the humorous educational study guide company who didn't LMAO when he read my cover letter cockroach.
Posted by #167 Dad at 2:47 PM