Friday, February 13, 2009

What's so Funny?

Today I’ve determined to come up with a funny entry. I could start with a couple of jokes. My bank account, that’s a good one. How about my agent search? The banking industry? Plungers are funny. So are Whoppers, Big Macs and Jumbo Jacks. Fast food in general is funny.

Bananas are funny, aren’t they? Bananas are without doubt funnier than apples or oranges. What is it about bananas? Is it their shape? Perhaps it’s their connection with monkeys? Monkeys are funny, even if they are a little creepy. Did you know you can shoot a banana by squeezing the bottom? And you can slip on a banana peel. Whatever - bananas are funny.

The fact that my high school students don’t think I’m funny is kind of funny. They never laugh at my jokes . I even try telling them jokes by world famous comedians like Steven Wright. Today I said “I know a guy with a circular driveway. He can’t get out?” Not one kid laughed. They just asked questions like, “How did he get there in the first place?” “Why wouldn’t he drive across the grass?” “Why would someone have a circle driveway?” and “Do you really know a guy with a circular drive way?” Yeah, my students don’t think I’m funny and I think that’s funny, even if they’re right.

I think it’s funny that my wife thinks she’s funnier than I am. In the name of everything that’s good, I was a stand-up comedian for two years. Where does she get off? She says I have Three Stooges style humor while she has Woody Allen Humor. She’s so smug about the whole thing. And you know what? I can’t think of one funny thing my wife has ever said. I can’t give you an example of her Woody Allen style humor. But I can think of lots of funny things I’ve said. Here’s a primary example of my sense of humor.
My father-in-law was cleaning out his truck and I was standing around keeping him company. He picked up an old milk crate and asked if I could use it.

“Use what?” I asked.

“This.” he said, nodding down toward the box.

“That?” I asked

“Yeah, you want a box?”

And I shot back with, “Not today Wayne, but I’ll wrestle you if you want.”

Now that’s humor, baby. It’s so funny that the last time we were finishing up out meals at a restaurant and the waitress asked if I was finished, I made it a point to say yes so she could say, “want a box?” And of course I snapped back with, “Not really miss, but I’ll wrestle you if you want.”

My wife proceeded to say I was immature. And quick as a whip, I came back with, get this, “Oh yeah, you’re the one who has the cooties.”

As it turned out, we didn’t need the box since I ended up with my leftovers on my head.