Sunday, August 9, 2009

Arizona Heat

Phoenix Arizona is an oppressively hot place to live. The temperature generally remains in the 100s from the end of May to the beginning of October. When newcomers ask me how long it takes to get used to the heat I tell them you never get used to it. NEVER!

The sun just hammers away at you day in and day out for four months. You burn your hand when you open your car door. An afternoon breeze feels like a blow dryer. I once left a pair of sunglasses on the dashboard of the car. Whithin a couple of hours they were a twisted mangled melted mess. Every summer my wife and I swear we're going to move.

This is what a six year-old kid looks like after walking from the car to the house when it's 115 degrees outside.

This June wasn't bad at all. In fact it was the mildest June in recorded history. The average temperature was in the low 90s. But it turned out to be a set up. Mother Nature proceeded to whallup the fair citizens of Phoenix with the hottest July in recorded history.

With the July heatwave came an massive bark scorpion invasion of my home. We've found scorpions in the house over the past six years or so. But this is whole new level.
I was minding my own business, reading a book and soaking my back in the tub when my wife informed me taht the scorpion you see above was about two inches from my neck.

Downstairs the kids sited another one on the living room wall.

Both scorpions met with the bottom of a size elven loafer. We've found no less than 20 scorpions in the house this year. My wife found one in our bed a couple of weeks ago. My eleven year-old and I have both been stung. We both got it on the hamstring while sitting on the floor and we agreed it wasn't all that painful. There was an initial prick and then about 15 minutes of Novocain style numbness. They say sting can be painful and linger for 24 hours. Guess we were lucky.

Word on the street is you can't get rid of scorpions. Neighbors have shelled out thousands to pest control companies and the scorpions are still there. Bark scorpions are tough to kill. They can hold their breath for days at a time. There are accounts of scorpions being frozen for stiff for days on end and surviving. Bark scorpions were found near ground zero at the Los Alamos test site.

My wife has met the scorpion challenge head on. She has taken to nocturnal scorpion hunting. Every night she patrols the garage, perimiter of the house, and back yard with a black light and a can of scorpion spray. Scorpions light up like a Vegas Casino under a black light. She has hunted down and killed upwards of 40 scorpions over the last two weeks. The woman swears she won't stop until she has rubbed out every last scorpion on our property. Looks like the scorpions ticked off the wrong mother.


On a final note, Blues Frau of Germany informed me that she can belch, break wind and scratch as good as any man and I dog gone it, I believe her.
With the power bestowed upon me by David C. of Lugubrious Drollery, I hereby award the Manly Blogger Guy Award to Blues Frau of Germany.
As far as I know Blues Frau is the first female recipient of the Manly Blogger Guy Award. Feel free to pass it on.
Congratulations, Blues.