Saturday, January 3, 2009



Query Emails Sent: 165
Rejections received: 18
Under Consideration: 16
Failure to Deliver Notice: 5
Miscellaneous: 1

The under consideration category is, to say the least, optimistic. This category includes automatic responses like the one below.

I will be out of the office starting Monday December 15th, returning January 5th. If it is urgent you may try my assistant XXXXXX at XXXXX or XXXXXXX. Please note XXXXX will close for the holidays at 1pm on December 19th and reopen on Jan. 5th.

Optimism is paramount in this agent search business. Somebody named Tom Feather once said, “Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after the others have let go.” Charles Bukowski didn’t have the opportunity to quit his job at the post office and earn his living from his writing until he was fifty. A hundred and sixty-five emails is peanuts, just the beginning.

I fired off 10 query emails yesterday. The agent addresses come from a lengthy writer’s reference list I found on line. Not all of the addresses are current as the following response demonstrates.

I am retired.

Using the agent list, it’s possible to send somewhere in the vicinity of ten query emails an hour. If I could just find the time and patience to sit down for ten hours, I could send off - let’s see, carry the five, add the square root of nine - three hundred query emails. It’s all about optimism, baby.


It has been brought to my attention some of my comments have been interpreted to be bitter and approaching mean-spiritedness. Well, bitter and mean spirited is no way to build an audience. And the word on the street is agents are more apt to represent writers with strong blog followings. Therefore, I’m extending my heartfelt apologies to guys who wear #1 Dad shirts, people with eight fingers – or six, the British, Santa Clause, Paul the Apostle, pyromaniacs, filthy stinking rich celebrities, Charles Barkley, Steve Urkel, drunks, barroom brawlers, skirt chasers, Meryl Streep, Myrel Streep fans, cute nuns, The Flying Nun, nuns in general, former Catholics, future Catholics, Catholics in general, lazy parents, obsessive text messengers, and of course, hopelessly stupid people.


Thank you. It’s good to have an audience.


kettyboy said...

Truth be told, don't apologize for being human. I say, to hell with all those apologies. You see, an apology is a good intention. The road to Hell (Hades if you're nasty) is paved with good intentions. Don't apologize if you've done nothing wrong. So that's about it. I'm going to heaven. And it going to be awful lonely.

The Real Raidernation

beFrank said...

Doesn't Keith worry you sometimes?

Good post. Made me laugh. Keep at it. We should be kings.

#167 Dad said...

Kettyboy or The Real Raidernation? Which should I call you? Still learning my way around this blog business. I'm just glad to have you in the middle of the chaos - and I'm damned glad you're on my side.

#167 Dad said...

Thanks, it means alot. We are kings.

#167 Dad said...

err, I mean it means a lot...